But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
