His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
