If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
