do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
