And the cops told us we were all naked.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
