fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
