marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm sobbing to NWA
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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