At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
