I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
