do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
