You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
