does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
