Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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