I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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