Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
