If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
