Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
