I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry my hands just texted you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
