i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
