I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
