so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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