overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I need moral support for this bender
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
