Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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