Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
