Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
