I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
