It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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