do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
