Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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