You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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