i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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