After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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