stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
