Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
