i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
