I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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