Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
