And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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