oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
