Don't make out with my wife yet
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
