Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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