i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
