Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
