Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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