90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
