i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
