My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
