I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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