you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
