I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
