take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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