the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
