Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
