from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
