I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
