I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
