Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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