Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
