what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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