We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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