Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
