my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
