a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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