Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
