dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
