Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
