I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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