i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
