I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
