College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
