Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
